you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
