I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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