I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
