Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
