I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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