so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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