My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
