Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
