I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
