I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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