the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
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we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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