Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
