i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize