i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Randomize
