The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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