she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
