my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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