never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
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