I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
