It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
