I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
