So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
