Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
