So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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