She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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