He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
