i would punch a child for taco bell
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
