One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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