i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
