Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
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