I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize