i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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