Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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