he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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