You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
