hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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