So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
