Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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