how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
