Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
