I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
