im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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