Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
