My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
