the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
