in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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