I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
