you have to choose: penises or morals?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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