omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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