what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
