you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
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