We're like a lot better than the average bears
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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