Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
