So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I look better un-naked...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
