Who did Billy Mays play for?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
