There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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