I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
