oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
