she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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