He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
it's like iHOP with fire
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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