What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
