Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
