I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
