I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
