Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
