birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize