I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
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And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
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Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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