I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
