and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
