Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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