Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
