I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
