The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
