just tell him i said nine months
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
