I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
