I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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