I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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