she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
