Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
