wrigley field is MILF paradise
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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