some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
